How Deep Is the Pit -Part II

So I wrote Part I a couple of days ago when I was feeling pretty lousy. I admit, I'm  tired.  I have had some sort of sinus infection/bad cold and ached all over.  I have missed two weeks of work and just don't know who this person walking around in this body is anymore.  At the time I still had eight more of the total twelve treatments and that just sounded undoable.

After today, week five of Taxol treatment with seven more to go, I am humbled.  
Once again, immersed in humility, filled with gratitude.

I don't even know what to say or how to feel.

Yesterday Joel received a call from Klatt Elementry, where only one of the three kids still remain.  Seven years ago we did something kind of crazy.  We sold our home and purposely moved into Dimond Estates Trailer Court.  Why you might ask (Joel did...many times?).   I guess it was more of a calling for me. I desired for our kids live in a neighborhood where they attended school the neighborhood school (previously the kids had been in a lottery program in a neighborhood we did not live in), to live in a neighborhood our church "reached out" to, and one that was close to Parachutes.  Cohesiveness!  There have been moments when I have felt, YES, this is why we moved here.  Kids hung out at our house and we've connected with kids through Parachutes who are sometimes surprised to hear we live in the trailer court.  Living here has taught me so much.  It's amazing how just when you think you are doing the "God thing" right, things really get flopped around.  Since I started working  again full time I've really lost a lot of connection to this community cohesiveness of school, church, ministry...life.

So why am I  so humbled?  The phone all was from the school nurse.  She requested Joel stop by...just because.  We knew something was up and figured a gift was being given.  A gift is an understatement.  It was gift, after gift, after gift.  So many gift cards...imagine the end isle of the grocery store where they sell gift cards from anywhwere and everywhere.  This is what we received.  Unreal!  I guess the reason I'm so humbled is not necessarily the gifts per-say but how many people must have given and the words expressed in the card.  When you work "in ministry" you are on a mission,  right?  It's about what YOU are going to do FOR God...and oh yeah...for his people.  For a while I've been thinking a lot that church has become so humanistic.  The reason we serve is so we get a benefit, so we can feel we are a part of HIS PLAN.  Jesus died on the cross to save ME from my sins.  We serve Him because we love him and it makes ME feel good.  He loves ME.  

And He does, and yes it brings comfort and Joy to know God sent a tiny baby into this world and died on the cross because He loves me.  

I just think God is so much more than that.  It so much bigger than ME.  He is all about redeeming His world and making it all right again and while working out His plan extending an awful lot of grace.  It has nothing to do with what "my hands" have done. We who believe in this great God are just lucky enough to get to participate in it.  Jesus told us to "take up his cross and follow him" and we are to take the path that is less traveled.  A cross is heavy, a path less traveled is scary but grace is extended along the way.  Our family was able to experience this grace today receiving an amazing gift from amazing people who gave so graciously.  A gift that can help me out of the pit or help me find my way back out of the tunnel. Or maybe this is all so I can boast about a Great God and extend a word of encouragement to one of the 11,000 people who have at some point in time read this blog.  If you are also in a pit or dark tunnel, God's grace is sufficient and if you so chose to follow Him by taking upon the cross and following the path less traveled that is what it is about.  You get to participate in God redeeming his world and that is all you need.

I may be in a pit right now and it's kind of dark and dirty but there is hope, there is love, there is humility, there is pain, there is joy and it is amazing.

This is not the only thing.  Dear friends of ours, Mike and Linda Setterberg flew from Fairbanks to serve us.  This too is so humbling.  To sacrifice their time with their family to serve us at this time of year...who does that????  How can you even thank someone enough?  

This little note just cannot say enough how grateful I am.

The Lord Bless YOU and keep YOU, may His Face shine upon all of you and give you HIS peace!

How Deep Is the Pit? Part I

Well...

I have managed to stay at the edge of the pit for a while.  A couple of times I think I lost my footing but now I think I finally fell in.  At first I thought I have hit the bottom.  In the shower today I wondered, "O man, what if this is not the bottom yet?  How deep is it?"  I have also thought of the analogy of a tunnel.  I started this journey in July and until now I have kept the opening of the tunnel in sight.

I lost it.

I cannot see the opening anymore.

Do not worry.  I do not feel hopeless.  I know I just need to climb my way back out or meander a little more through the tunnel to find where I entered.

The light is still there,
I just don't see it right now.

But again, this is my quandry.  How deep is the pit? How much further does this tunnel go?  I am the type of person who is always curious and I always want to make it to the end.  It's like hiking Exit Glacier.  I don't think I have ever made it to the Harding Ice Field and this really bothers me.  I have made it to the shelter at the top but is this on the Harding Ice Field, where does the trail to Exit Glacier stop and the Harding Ice Field begin?

It scares me a little to think about how deep it might be, how far the tunnel goes and this is the one time I don't think I want to know.  Where I am now is good.  Everyday I would like to get a little further out of the pit or at least recognize my path in the tunnel to know I am on the right track.